1. Sex

Vernon tries everything from speed dating to lonely hearts - but he still can't pull. After a disastrous blind date he comes home drunk, and resigned to the fact that he just hasn't got it anymore. But Milly's gorgeous tutor has come round for coffee, and she finds him attractive... but will he see it in time?

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2. Work

Vernon gets a whopping great bill from his divorce solicitors, and they've passed the debt on to Mad Frankie's Debt Collection Agency. No one will lend Vernon the money to pay the bill, and as Frankie keeps lobbing bricks at him, Vernon has to do the unthinkable... he has to go out to work!

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3. Sorry

The kids tell Vernon he was a rubbish dad while they were growing up. Vernon is mortified and sets about putting things right. He 'sorts out' Max's bully from school, gets Milly a new dog, and takes them on the summer holiday of a lifetime... in February... in Wales... in a caravan.

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4. Health

Vernon goes to a rave... and ends up in hospital. He has a full medical check up and they tell him he's only got 17 years to live. Milly doesn't want an invalid dad staying in her cupboard - because she'd have to look after him, so she forces him into a health and fitness regime.

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5. Student

Vernon's wants to go back to uni: free money, birds, the student bar - what's not to like? Milly thinks it's great too - until she finds out he's applied to her Uni. But the only place that'll have him is in the remote Scottish Highlands, and because he's already spent his student loan, it looks like he'll have to go.

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6. Fame

Vernon goes on Never Mind the Buzzcocks as one of the sad losers in the line up. But he meets a guy he knew at uni who's still got a band, and they're looking for a new lead guitarist - all they need to get started is new amps, new mics, a new roadie, a new bassist and a new van.

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7. Exodus

Vernon's annoying everyone: playing his guitar too loud, cutting David's hair while he's asleep, embarrassing Milly in front of her friends, and eating Max's secret Toblerone - so the kids finally throw him out. Bryan's missus won't let him stay at Bryan's either so Vernon ends up on the streets.

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8. Goodbye Cruel Worm

Vernon ruins Milly's romantic evening with her boyfriend. Max won't let Vernon go out clubbing with him. Even Bryan turns down the annual booze cruise to Calais. Left on his own in the flat all weekend Vernon gets so low he decides to top himself... but gets the wrong pills.

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